Bechdel test - do I pass?

John August has been reminding everybody, who doesn't already know, about the Bechdel test which assesses the presence of women in movies. The questions are simple:

1. Are there two or more female characters with names?
2. Do they talk to each other?
3. If they talk to each other, do they talk about something other than a man?

This is relevant to me because I've just completed the page one rewrite of Winter and popped it over to the Director who is quite enthusiastic - which is nice.

So, does Winter pass (even though it's only about 30 mins long)?

Yes, two female characters with names (40% of the named characters but one of them is the protagonist) . They do talk, albeit briefly, and it's not about men.

Quick run through of other stuff I've written: Monsters passes (TV); Air passes TV); Unit X passes (TV) ; Babel passes (film); Une Nuit a Paris passes? (I think) (film); Tec passes definitely (TV); Running fails (film). So, not too bad.

And Running wouldn't be too hard to fix - several characters could easily be female.

Which leads to the question: why are they male in the first place, if it doesn't matter? Essentially because I was just following stereotypes. If I can manage two females in Unit X which is World War II US Army (okay, one's a doctor and one's a nurse); I'm sure I can manage more women in Running (in fact just thinking about it introduces some interesting possible dynamics).

How do your scripts stand up to the test?

---

What's on the turntable? "Soultrane" by John Coltrane. Nice.

New Year Happy!

Last year I said this:

• Get a commission
• Finish all work in progress

So how did I do?

I didn't get a commission, although I got a lot of excellent feedback from various TV companies, including a promise to be considered as a writer if the series in question is renewed. (Which is about as good as it gets without actually getting a commission.)

The project entitled Traitor for which I was creating one paragraph story ideas has yet to come to fruition but the person running the project (after an email nudge) promised to take a look over Christmas. They will be commissioning this February. So that is still the most promising option.

So although I didn't get a commission this year, I have made good progress towards the goal and I'm waiting on the board to roll a 6 exactly.

As for finishing projects: There was Air, that's done and dusted and got rave reviews from the industry readers (you can read the first 10 pages). Unit X, a US TV pilot, which I finished but have put aside as needing a lot of work. Une Nuit a Paris, a feature, also finished and put aside as needing a lot of work.

And Winter which was originally a short, then became my "exciting new web project" proposal for the BBC- which they turned down, and now it's the new Web series which we'll hopefully shoot in 2-3 months. But it needs finishing. So technically it's never been finished.

I also mentioned at the end of that post last year that I needed to get a paying job fast. Which I did, and my web development contract work has been pretty good all year (after a slow start).

My current contract ends at the end of January but the agents are already ringing my phone off the hook - it's nice to be wanted. Though it's getting to the point where I'm getting picky - I want the next contract to be in Birmingham specifically (for various reasons).

Anyway, next year's goals.

• Get a commission - I really must work harder on this one.
• Finish the works in progress.
• Develop 10 new TV ideas.
  
• Enter four screenwriting competitions.

For the commissions I need to promote myself more which means finding more places to send my information to. Obviously the ones that might come off are already in place but one cannot rest on one's laurels.

The works in progress this time are:

Winter as mentioned above.

Tec which is the TV detective thingy that I've written once but needs more and lots of changes.

I do need to work on new stuff because I don't have enough on the go currently - new ideas needed.

And enter screenwriting competitions - why only 4? Well, I'm not much of a feature writer currently so I'm stuck with TV. And I need to pick and choose what I work on and submit. So just four is fine. One will be Red Planet (but I'll need Tec finished for that), one might be Screenwriters Festival (I'll need Tec for that too). And we'll see what else.

Happy New Year!

---

What's on the turntable? Not a thing.

Wouldn't you know it, part deux

So I'll send them Monsters and then when they say "what else have you got" I'll say "Well..."

That should do the trick.

I'm now halfway through the treatment for the first episode of Clones - I hate writing treatments, I want to do action and dialogue. I'm desperate to do my exciting* on-page editing - where I change scene dramatically between different bits of action. But in Clones we have only one hand-held camera (it's a little bit Cloverfield) in the first episode and I'm feeling all hemmed in.

Such is the writer's life.

* apparently

---

What's on the turntable? "Lunar Sea (live)" by Camel from the extended "Moonmadness" on Spotify

Wouldn't you know it

Earlier this year I got distracted writing a spec US pilot - Unit X - which got a big thumbs down from the readers. Basically it needed a lot of work - far more than Tec currently needs.

Turns out this week (according to Inktip) a US production company is looking for high concept SF pilots. Do I send them something that really isn't in good condition (and hope they see the potential), or do I let the opportunity slip by? Would sending something unpolished damage my future opportunities, or does it give me more of chance if I do send it?

I've sort of decided, but I probably haven't thought of everything.

What do you think?

---

What's on the turntable? "Reeling in the years" by Steely Dan from "Can't by a Thrill"

Evening off

As my reward to myself for finishing Scriptfrenzy successfully I'm having the evening off and just watching some TV. And catching up on my email.

Due to my Internet problems I haven't had any email for 2 days and it all came flooding through this evening once the gates were opened - and, as I stepped delicately through the sea of messages, picking my way through the flotspam and jetspam. I came across the report on my fun Being Human/Torchwood 15-minute crossover script. See this for full details.

I have to admit that, after my little debacle with Unit X, I had suffered a little from self-doubt. Was it possible I only had two good scripts in me? I didn't actually believe it, but those little niggles can be hard to squash (even with the heel of your shoe). Besides you can't let something like that stop you. Pah!

So what was the result? It got what you might call a 6/10 - characterisation and dialogue good for all the Being Human characters (particularly George) and Jack Harkness from Torchwood, but less so for Ianto and Gwen. Lots of nice Wizard of Oz references; and basically a fun read.

BUT, viewed as real script, the plot was more Torchwood style so didn't do the Being Human characters any favours and 15 pages really isn't enough for character depth when you have seven major characters (don't forget the baddie: Mrs Wormwood from The Sarah Jane Adventures).

I've decided to get another opinion on this - not because I disagree, I completely agree - but one viewpoint (even one as good as Philip Shelley) is never enough. Not even for this - because you need to be able to compare and contrast viewpoints to extract the full meat.

However it does answer one really important question: Can I write in the voices of characters from someone else's show? Apparently I can.

This is good.

(I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I have spent some time re-doing my background research on my next project, Tec . Have to put together a nice complex plot.)

---

What's on the turntable? "Hunter" by Bjork from "Homogenic"

Living it large on humble pie

Edit: "humple pie"? He-he-he-he. Humple! (I misspelt humble in the title.)

I got the feedback on Unit X today. Philip Shelley was concerned that I might be upset by his blunt comments about it. I am going to repeat my e-mail reply to him here, I think it's that important.

Hi Philip

I have read your notes. I smile wryly: that’s pretty much what the original notes about Monsters said.

Lacking in focus.

Clearly I have learned nothing.

Except that if you had asked me, when I first sent out Monsters, what I thought was wrong with it, I would have had no idea. (This was before you saw it.)

But if you’d have asked me what I thought was the main problem with Unit X, I would have said “lack of a clear protagonist”. (So why did I send it to you? Because I needed someone else to tell me and point at bits going “what on earth is that?”

So I have learned something. Which is good. Comments like “baffling” also applied to Monsters.

Besides what are my normal high standards? You’ve only seen two scripts by me - you didn’t see Une Nuit a Paris which was absolutely slammed by Dave Bull (“sub-Carry On”). He wanted me to tell him that I had written it before Monsters, but I hadn’t - however I had sent him a first draft. Won’t do that again!

I needed a bit of humility. You have handed me some humble pie on a plate. I eat with relish.

I’m not past writing rubbish and, as far as Unit X goes (and Une Nuit a Paris) I just haven’t found the story yet.

As I said, I’m not a tender flower, and when you told me I had some talent you lit a fire under my writing which can’t be put out.

Loving that humble pie - smothered in raspberry sauce.

---

What's on the turntable? "All is Full of Love" by Bjork from "Homogenic". Bjork is just so ... Bjork.

Searchamafacation #2

So let's see what people have been searching for on this lil ole blog in the last month...

1. Me! (32 times)
2. Red Planet (17) - no surprise there. My daily visits are typically in the 30-40 range, when there's a Red Planet blog they shoot up to 80-100.
3. Being Human (16), popular show and I've mentioned it a few times.
4. Celtx (10) - my script-writing software of choice. It's free (-ish).
5. Go Go Google Gadget! Progress Bar! (9)
6. Joint fifth: BBC's Merlin (9)
7. Tiddly Pom - those immortal words by Winnie-thar-Pooh.

Joint 8th (3): Toby Whithouse, Gordon Giltrap and "Show don't Tell".

The weirdest search that resulted in a visit: "it was dawn when the skull wept blood."

So what's next on the writing front, as Charles asked?

Which needs to compost for a week or two; Unit X feedback will arrive at the end of the week; and I need to write a treatment for Running - but I'm not ready for that yet.

One thing that's been preying on my mind is my "make me a million pounds in 3 years" website. My business partner is getting a little peeved. So I think I'll give my evenings over to that until I get the Unit X feedback.

---

What's on the turntable? "Ballet Volta" by Sky from "Sky 2" yum.

Onwards and upwards

If I hadn't been trapped in Reading this evening, I probably wouldn't have got around to entering Monsters for the Cheltenham Screenwriters Festival ScriptMarket competition - you know, the one where there was a big question about how many words should be in the synopsis.

It turns out that the right number was 250 words. So I took my off-the-cuff 230 words and edited it into present tense and pruned it back to 195 words. Then added other essential material, like a bit of setting; I kept adding and cutting with the word count wavering between 200 and 245 words, once reaching the giddy heights of 247. More items were removed as non-essential, giving me more space to fill in emotion and ensuring that the protagonist was clearly acting as a causative element of the story.

The final act was where the story flow seemed to jump in a complete non-sequitur right in the middle. Not good. In the actual script it all flows but, because of what had been chopped out, there was this discontinuity. So there was more pruning which freed up enough words to allow me to make the flow clear.

Done.

Then there was 50 words to explain why I wanted to talk to agents (as opposed to directors, producers, financiers and so on, which I could also choose). But let's be focused: I know that the probability of Monsters being produced is minimal. No matter how much I love it. It's a spec script. So why bother meeting with producers, directors and financiers? What I need is an agent to help me sell myself. I can come back to Monsters another day.

This is probably the most expensive script competition to enter in the world.

Except, of course, you do get 4 days of one of the most brilliant screenwriting experiences you could possibly have. With an opportunity to make zillions of contacts.

I probably give the impression I find it easy to talk to people and network.

That would not be true. Writing is easy. I've had lots of experience in writing so can write in a very relaxed and friendly tone (had you noticed?). Face-to-face is another matter. Having said that you need only adopt a "oh what the hell" attitude and just do it anyway.

Anyway, that's SWF'09 out the way for the time being.

I'm also contemplating whether to enter Unit X for the Scriptapalooza TV competition - trouble is you have do this complicated Brad-binding thing that they like in the States - and they probably want it on foolscap - quaint. And I'd have to send hard copy from the UK. Question is: Can I be bothered?

Mind you, it would be amusing to have success with Unit X in the States, it being a US series written by a Brit. Just like my mate Roger Ellory and his brilliant US thrillers. Hm, I've just noticed, from the photo of Roger on the Sky Arts Book Show, that he's started to sport a beard and moustache just like mine. He may be more successful than me, but That's My Facial Hair Design.

You can tell I'm bored, can't you? It's too late to start writing now and I'll be up at the usual time tomorrow to go to work so that this website will be launched on time in full working order.

Right. I shall do a little reading and then it's off to bed.

Nighty-night.

---

What's on the turntable? "The Morning Fog" by Kate Bush from "Hounds of Love" (extended edition with great extra tracks of which this is one)

Which witch is which?

As you can see my progress bar is nearly at 50%, I wrote about 5 pages this evening. This section is a bit dialogue heavy and will need some re-writing to trim it and look to see how to clarify the intentions of the various characters within the scene. (Currently it's a bit wishy washy.)

But the two groups have now met. Handling six major characters is quite tricky but we shall see how it goes. This evening on the train I spent some time looking at the different relationships you can have between Gwen, Ianto and Jack on the Torchwood side as opposed to Annie, George and Mitchell from Being Human.

How could the characters interact? What are the similarities and what are the differences? Where will they agree and where disagree?

There's lots of really juicy character stuff you could do, but I'll have to limit it. There's one particular thing I have lined up, poor George he always seems to end up in pain and poor Jack, always winds up dead...

My US Army expert, we'll call him Robert (because that's his name), got back to me today though I haven't read his notes apart from the introduction. Since I'm working on Which I don't want to get side-tracked back to Unit X until I've got the notes from Philip Shelley as well.

Still he was reasonably complimentary "There are many times that you get the military attitude just perfect. What the soldiers would say, how they would act. This adds to the authenticity, believe me."

Which was nice.

But I know there's a bunch of stuff in store for me, that will be less nice. But I want to get it as right as I can within the framework of the story.

It's also interesting, and this has happened with readers on other stories, how on offhand remark about something they don't consider important reveals that you, as the author, have failed to communicate something critically important.

I tore my hair out in Monsters over the fact that every reader assumed that the main character, Chloe, was supernaturally strong - when she was just using one of the simplest Jujitsu moves to immobilise someone, that anybody can be taught in a few minutes. I'm not 100% sure I ever solved it.

And, with Robert, there was a throwaway comment that showed I had got something wrong. It should be relatively easy to fix - much easier than the jujitsu thing. Of course, not being a proper script reader, Robert is offering solutions as well, but I was expecting that so I'm not offended. I asked for his advice and he's giving it, for free.

So. Tomorrow is Friday and I'm not heading home in the afternoon as I usually do because I shall be in work on both Saturday and Sunday. Not a delightful prospect, it can be very lonely here. On the other hand, lots of time for writing in the evenings. Should get Which wrapped up.

---

What's on the turntable? "Tubular Bells Part Two" by Mike Oldfield from "Tubular Bells".

Pen and Ink

I finally managed to get a printout of my 1st Draft of "Unit X", I haven't touched it for about 6 weeks and went through it with the red pen on the train yesterday.

Actually it was better than I remembered. Even a section I wrote when I was feeling completely rubbish was pretty good.

Which was nice.

So I made the changes that I marked down, started on the train, and finished that up this evening.

In fact I was happy enough to send it off for comment to Philip Shelley, and also to my newly acquired US Army advisor in the States. My advisor will read it and tell me if anything stands out as being intrinsically wrong. Finding him was a doddle. If you need an expert just go to Yahoo!Answers, and look for someone who regularly answers questions on the subject you want, then e-mail them.

Do you subscribe to InkTip? If you have finished work of decent quality then you should consider it. Just getting the free newsletter is fascinating, it gives you a feel for what's wanted (at least, in the US) and there are so many opportunities.

I just got a personal e-mail from them, I've been joined for a year, asking if there was any reason I hadn't put a script up on their site. I explained that I was unsure because most of their stuff is feature or Movie of the Week, and I'm in the UK. But I got a nice e-mail back explaining how they have the different categories including various ones for TV, plus people from all over the world etc.

I know - they want me to give them money. But that's fair enough, InkTip is a highly reputable site for producers and directors to find writers, they provide the service and if we want to use it then we should pay for it. In fact they are so reputable that if someone breaks their rules (like claiming they have a finished script when they don't) they get kicked off so fast they won't see it coming.

Funnily enough I had been contemplating putting something up on InkTip so the e-mail was very timely. Perhaps fate is telling me this is the time[1].

---

What's on the turntable? "You Take My Breath Away" by Queen from "A Day At The Races"

[1] I don't believe in fate, but nor do I believe in coincidences. I do believe we make our own luck.

Then three come at once

An acquaintance from a previous job has just got in touch with me about co-authoring a book - a book about programming in this case.

I said yes.

Oh dear Lord, what have I done.

Addenda #1

In reference to Paul's comment below, I cheated. The first draft of Unit X is complete but didn't quite make it to 45 pages, so I just fixed it to show 100%. It's my bar and I can do that if I want.

Been working on the 3rd Draft of Air, and (darn it) my editing and re-writing has reduced it to 20 pages! Oh no. It needs to be at least 23. Still I have managed to fix the major concerns, none of which were terribly difficult.

It's just my red editing pen got the better of me. I can be quite ferocious when I have my editor's hat on: Ooh look, I can knock out a few more words there, and that dialogue could be much shorter, and those characters don't need to say that at all. Now I have to figure out how to add pages without it being padding. Grrr.

I ordered my weekend rail tickets and made the mistake of getting guaranteed next day delivery. Which needs a signature. I'm not in during the day. Luckily the local delivery office isn't too far away and it opens at 7am. I can get up at the usual, get the tickets, catch a slightly later train and still be in work an hour before the normal working day starts (10am).

Right. Back to Air.

Addenda #2

Oh good grief, what a mess I got myself into. I was looking at the version of Air I was working on and it slowly dawned on me, it was the wrong one. It was Draft #1, which was indeed, a bit short in the pages department.

So I located the right version - I'm actually quite organised, this is unusual for me - and transferred the new and modified scenes across. Luckily the changes were concentrated in one area. And the page count is 25 pages. Phew.

---

What's on the turntable? "Amarok" by Mike Oldfield (59 minutes in). Again. It's rather good. Oh, it's finished.

Miscellany

Look, 88% on Unit X, only five pages to go. That's first draft of course.

On my way from London to Manchester on Friday I found myself crammed into a table with a nice lady from MENCAP next to me. I don't know that she was nice, but as someone doing work for a jolly good charity like that, I am assuming she was nice. She had a computer too.

Let's talk about MENCAP for a minute.

It was a long time ago now, maybe 15 years (eeek!) a friend of mine came up to me and said "Want to do a charity bike ride in Egypt?" and I said "Yes." (Not having been on a bike in years.) But I did, on behalf of MENCAP, we rode across the Sinai desert, East to West. It was amazing. I know what it's like to be in the middle of a real desert, with heat in the 40s. Or desert mountains. I know what it's like to suffer from heat exhaustion. I'll tell the full tale another time.

A couple of years later I did it for MENCAP again. This time it was China, and I went without any friends - people seemed to think this was particularly brave. But you mingle better when you know no one. That was also amazing, in a very different way. Did you see the approach to the finishing line in the Olympics road races? Heading for the big gate in the Great Wall? I've ridden that road. I've ridden in China with heat in the 40s - and astronomical humidity - with intense pollution. I'll tell that tale another time too. But it was amazing.

Getting back to last Friday: Trouble is I couldn't write. For two reasons: (a) I didn't physically have the space; (b) I can't be creative when someone might be looking over my shoulder - I get very self-conscious. People might think I'm a real screenwriter and ask awkward questions like "what have you done then?"

So, instead, I spent the two hours going through Unit X and editing it. Which means I actually knocked maybe 1-2 pages out of it. There was one scene that had been superceded and was completely redundant. (A short scene.)

It has to be said my scenes are getting shorter. In Monsters I had 56 scenes in 57 pages, for Air there were 35 scenes in 25 pages, in Unit X I have nearly 80 scenes in 40 pages. So I've gone from 1 minute/scene to 30 seconds/scene. Though, to be fair, I have a lot of very short scene-setting scenes in Unit X. Like:

EXT. ITALY, GROSSETO AERODROME - NIGHT
One after another the five planes take to the black
sky, each with a glider in tow.

But they are getting shorter.

Where was I? Oh yes. Shorter. Then this afternoon on the train back I wrote more. So here we are at 40 pages, and really I've got to the end. But that's okay, I'll leave it for a bit and then start in on the re-edit. It needs more emotion, it needs the Doctor's character being developed more and all sorts of stuff like that.

Meanwhile, I printed up the two reports on Air and went through a paper copy on the train this afternoon as well. Both readers had made an assumption which was not what I wanted to communicate in the script, and all because I gave "Air" (the main character) a single line which was very portentous and completely wrong. Silly me.

And both of them felt there was something wrong with the action at the end of the episode, "short-changed" was one comment. So that needs cooking up a bit more. A couple of the changes don't affect anything important so I'll just do them.

But I always like to do a good solid run-through on paper - years of experience with on-screen editing (even when it wasn't my own work) has taught me that you really can't edit on-screen properly. You have to do it on paper. I also need to do an out-loud read-through to see how the dialogue and action flows - you can do that on-screen because the technique forces you to read every word.

The big novel what I wrote a few years back - I read the whole thing out-loud. It took a while but it was amazingly useful.

After I've finished the edit of Air I'm going to get started on my Parkour SF story - Running.

Oh, this week, courtesy of Rob I acquired two hour-long interviews with Joss Whedon. Regular readers will know that for me "Joss is Boss". These interviews did nothing to dispel that feeling. in fact they did everything to encourage it, and were very pleasing in that I felt a lot of affinity with his writing process.

One thing of interest was that, in one interview, there was a pan across one of his bookshelves which had a lot of books on Shakespeare; a later comment in the interview was about the Shakespeare workshops he ran for the cast of Buffy.

You can't beat the Bard.

---

What's on the turntable? "Jóga" by Björk from "Homogenic" - I love this song. I love Björk, (though not as much as Kate).

Off again

There you go, 10 days of nothing (well, other things - like the Monsters OGN), then I actually figure out what the problem is with the script of Unit X and away we go again. Went from 66% complete to 80% complete - that's about 7 pages.

I suppose some people would call that writer's block. I suppose technically I was "blocked from writing that specific script" but usually people describe it like a disease that needs "curing".

But I just done wrote the script wrong. Huh-huh. Only need another 9 pages or so to finish. Cool.

---

What's on the turntable? "Incantations, Part Two" by Mike Oldfield from "Incantations" (Another huge surprise.)

My name is Inigo Montoya

I was travelling home on the train this evening, got out my trusty pad and pen and began to look at this intractable problem I've been having with Unit X - basically unable to write the end of this big action sequence.

Certain things must happen in this sequence and I just couldn't make them happen in a way that made any sense. I've done step outlining; I've researched maps of German schlosses (castles); (discovered a place that's been converted into expensive apartments - it's beautiful, I could definitely write there); I've made my little card figures; ...

And then, in ten minutes, I realised what the problem was: It wasn't the complexity of the situation at all, it was the behaviour of the characters. The first step was realising why one of the characters had gone down into the cellar. I knew he wanted to go but I had the wrong reason.

So that made part of it cleaner and made one particular scene make a lot more sense.

Then there was the SS Major, it dawned on me that, though he had his orders, he was not a complete idiot and would not face down a squad of armed US soldiers in a corridor. That's just plain stupid. He does not want to die - and neither do I want him to die, at least not there.

#### SPOILER ALERT ####

It's that brilliant moment in "The Princess Bride" where Inigo Montoya finally faces Count Rugen. Inigo has demonstrated his superb sword skills and explained that he's trained all his life for this moment. So Count Rugen does the only sensible thing - he runs away.

#####################

The Major runs away, of course he does.

This then puts him in the right place for the next bit, and also allows one of the other characters to be where he needs to be for his bit that has to happen - and so on and so on.

10 minutes work. Excellent. Now I just have to write it.

---

What's on the turntable? "Tubular Bells, Part 1" by Mike Oldfield from "Tubular Bells" (There's a surprise.)

Domestic hell

You might have wondered about my little interjection about exploding kettles in yesterday's blog - but it's true, my kettle exploded. Well, suffered an electrical fault resulting in a dramatic bang and a flash. And the blowing of fuses (well, current switch thingies).

This evening I was full of excellent intentions in regard to writing.

Hell got in the way.

It all began on Sunday, when my wife reported that the combi-boiler had started making rather a lot of noise, quite unpleasant noise. She demonstrated. It was a very unhealthy sound for a combi-boiler to make.

So she switched it off and rang the Gas Board. Who said they could come between 1 and 6 on Monday afternoon. Lot of bloody use that would be, since nobody would be in, but of course they couldn't even offer to put her at the end of the time. My wife managed to leave work early and arrived at 4. They'd been.

A second freezing cold evening, she called again this time they admitted that for an extra £3 month they could give a slightly better timing of 4 to 6. Begrudgingly she agreed.

Tuesday came, and sure enough, they turned up and did their fixing thing. Then went away.

Half an hour later all the electrics in the house failed.

My wife spent an hour on the phone. Obviously it had nothing to do with them, just a coincidence. (Hell of a coincidence.) My wife rang me at 5:45pm. Now they had no heating and no lights either.

By the time I got back to my flat in Reading, she (up north) had been on the phone to them again, this time managed to force them to send an electrician - "but if it's nothing to do with us we'll charge you!"

In the meantime I had figured out how she could get most of the house working by pulling out all the fuses and then putting them in one at a time until the trip switch tripped again.

She choose not to do it as the electrician was due in a few minutes.

A short time later she rang again, he'd isolated the kitchen circuits and the house had power again but still no heating - he couldn't touch that because he's an electrician. She got on to the Gas Board. Yes, they can come between 1 and 6 the following day.

What happened to the timed visit for an extra £3/month? Oh, that only applies to yearly maintenance. TODAY WASN'T YEARLY MAINTENANCE! Oh, you must have been mis-sold it.

At this point my wife's rag was so lost a battalion of search dogs couldn't have found it. And no she can't talk to the supervisor because he's not here and nobody will be here in 10 minutes.

The electrician took over talking to the Jobs-worth. He was extremely rude apparently. As well as quite sensibly pointing out that it's hardly surprising that their customer satisfaction rating was dropping like a stone when they had this attitude.

The visit was arranged. My wife is so stressed out she's getting ill (the freezing cold isn't helping) and will take tomorrow off anyway. (She hates taking time off.)

Half an hour later the electrics in the house cut out again.

She manages to get the Gas Board (strange I thought they'd all gone home) and they send the electrician back. Meanwhile I give my wife the previous mentioned instructions and we find out that another circuit in the house is faulty. (Can this be a coincidence?)

Makes an exploding kettle fade into insignificance.

So the best laid plans etc. I'm feeling very distracted and can't concentrate on writing. Though yesterday I did manage to finish making all my little bent-cardboard characters to play out the Unit X action scene. Maybe tomorrow.

(I seem to be getting a reputation for action scenes - Dave Bull was a little disappointed with the ending of Ep. 1 of Air because it wasn't as exciting as the beginning. Own back, a rod, my, for, making.)

---

What's on the turntable? "Hounds of Love" by Kate Bush from "Hounds of Love"

Cheshire cats

I'm grinning from ear to ear. I hope my jaw doesn't fall off.

And then my kettle exploded. All the lights went out. Using my mobile as a torch I unplugged the kettle and reset the fuses. Phew.

I've had feedback from my other main script reader, Dave Bull, about my "Air" script. Modesty forbids me to quote everything he said in his opening remarks but the word "Wow!" (with the exclamation mark) came into it. Mind you, modesty didn't stop me from boring my wife with it over the phone.

However he did have some script-readery things to say, and he was right. He noted that the tone of the main character, and thence the script, changed significantly at one clearly definable point. Which is a bad thing.

But still, I was pleased because he did say a lot of nice things.

I did get three full pages of Monsters OGN (see I'm calling it that now) written yester-eve, and popped it over to the illustrator. It's really interesting how it all works out - the things that I'm including in the OGN but left out of the TV script, and vice versa. Now, we wait.

Do you think you want to write for Hollywood? I thought I might, but I think I've changed my mind - no, I have definitely changed my mind. Why? (You may ask, and if not, why not?)

Why?

Because of this posting and then this one. And I am unwilling to be crapped on like that. From my reading of Bill Martell's blog I knew that this sort of thing went on, but these two guys are even higher up the tree than Bill.

Then again, it's not that I've completely changed my mind - it's a case of ensuring that when you do write for Hollywood you're in a sufficiently powerful position that this does not happen to you.

Funnily enough there is a book which would make a cracking SF blockbuster. It's written by one of the absolute masters of SF, yet the book is available, I almost optioned it a couple of years ago. Good thing I didn't, I wouldn't have been able to write a decent script then.

One day.

I'm going to do some work on Unit X. Right now. Honest.

---

What's on the turntable? "Leon's Room" by Vangelis from "Bladerunner CD2"

Blue in the face...

...and all the way to the tail. Including whiskers.

I've been prevaricating a bit. Spent the afternoon researching on how to write comics scripts (note the use of "comics" to ensure the clear distinction between a script that is funny and a script for a comic - this is important).

And then I tried writing some. Pretty nice actually (and Celtx does it all for you). Considering I never really want to be a Director it's also important to understand that, when writing comics scripts, that's exactly what you are because you select the shot to be used in each panel. (Of course the illustrator might suggest something else, and may well be right, but it starts with you.)

My illustrator, Rob, reads a lot more comics than I do but when I suggested one particular idea he said "nobody's doing that, it sounds great!". Gosh.

My Google Reader had run out of things to read so I thought I'd have a look at some of the suggestions, after rejecting a couple, I found "Blue Cat". Now I know many of you already read him but he's new to me. (I say "him" but no gender is indicated unless an inability to make coconut macaroons is a specifically male trait. Or indeed the ability to make biscuits encourages ignorant secretaries to accuse him of being gay.)

Anyway.

I have been telling everyone that I think the reason Demons was such drivel was mainly because the director is clueless and probably hates "genre".

I was very pleased to discover that from the insider's view, as provided by James and his blue cat, I'm right. Not necessarily in this particular, but certainly in general.

I didn't see the Demons finale but have been briefed on how they, once again, ripped a zombie show from the life of a script with potential.

Back to now: So this evening I want to complete a couple of pages of the Monsters comics script (hm, perhaps I should just call it OGN - "Original Graphic Novel", see I'm getting the lingo) and send those off to Rob and see if it makes sense to him. There's obviously going to be a settling in period, we were being very careful over e-mail saying things like "is it alright with you if I take a directorial stance" and "I don't want to squash any creative vibes but I think..." - have to see how it goes.

Then tomorrow I shall get back to Unit X. I really must finish this first draft, yes I know I said that yesterday.

---

What's on the turntable? "Gavotte & Variations" by Sky from "Sky 2"

Hidden talent

In this instance I am not talking about you, gentle (talented) reader.

I have been in That Birmingham meeting and talking with friends (desperately trying to persuade one of them to start writing, he's a clever chap, I bet he could do it).

Then there's my mate Chris in Birmingham. Chris is a bassist, generally acknowledged as one of the best bass players in the country, he has headlined with Jules Holland among others. People come to him when they want a classy bass line on pretty much any type of music. His story is an odd one - apparently he decided one day, in his late teens, that he wanted to play the bass guitar. So he disappeared into his bedroom, and re-emerged a year later, having practised all day every day, a virtuoso bass player.

Despite his current success he's looking for new challenges and asked me if I knew of any other paying gigs for musicians - he's like to compose as well. So I'll be sending him a list of ideas, and if you have any ideas I'll be happy to pass them along.

For a while now I've been wondering whether I could make Monsters into a comic - well, okay, I knew I could and I wanted to. The only stumbling block was an illustrator - I do have contacts who know illustrators but these are professionals and would most likely want paying. How do you find a professional quality illustrator who likes your stuff and is willing to work for nothing?

There's this bloke Rob. I've known him for a few years, his day job involves working with people who need help. He's a jolly good chap. Turns out that Rob used to work as a professional illustrator, the type who says, when you say what you're after, "What style?" That kind of professional.

And he's love to help me turn Monsters into a comic. I've given him a quick brief and we're going to look at styles - he even asked whether I wanted colour or mono. Excellent question, I love professionals, since I'm planning for us to make money out of this, it'll be mono. (Means I can create downloadable PDFs that people can pay for and print out themselves without a huge colour printer bill.)

As has been mentioned I use Celtx for screenwriting. It just so happens that Celtx also has a comic-writing option. So I shall be exploring that.

But I mustn't get too side-tracked. I still need to finish draft 1 of Unit X, might manage that tomorrow.

---

What's on the turntable? "Cascade" by Gordon Giltrap from "Perilous Journey"

Mugs of Green Tea

Right.

Today has been a good day.

I passed my first test at work. When you're a contractor you are employed on the basis that you can do the job. And hopefully you can. But every job is different, there are always twists that you can't predict, and usually there will be some part of the job you've never before encountered. You have to wing it. I see them as tests.

This time I got side-swiped with a short task that wasn't precisely what I was employed for, and involved a type of work I haven't done much of and I had to decipher other people's work as well.

I know that I'm a good programmer but I've had a couple of knocks recently - including a phone interview for a company where I could not answer a single one of the interviewer's questions. Now that was very painful, it's true their requirements were quite specialised, but I felt like a complete idiot.

Anyway I fixed the code I'd been given, in fact I fixed more than I was asked, because there was a lot more wrong with the code than was apparent - like a countdown timer that occasionally went 06 ... 05 ... o4 ... o3 ... 02 ... 01 ... 60 ... 60? That should be 00. Strangely I was reminded of Demons.

Stress can often be caused by unfinished cycles of action - every time you don't finish something (or don't do something you know you ought to do) it ties up brainpower, leaving less to deal with the rest of the world.

There were things I needed to do: Phone my parents for one (it's been a bit too long) and e-mail my sister in Australia who's discovered she has a tumour hiding behind one of her kidneys (sneaky thing - the tumour not the kidney). Since my eldest sister died of cancer this was a worry. Apparently it's benign, but I still need to communicate. I didn't have her e-mail address here, now I have, so I can.

Then there was my trip to Birmingham to see my friends. I was planning on going tomorrow evening (Thursday) but I realised how much this was stressing me out. Carrying an extra big bag through the London insanity of a rush hour? So I thought: Why not go on Friday morning? I won't lose anything and will gain much. A quick phone call and it was arranged.

Phew.

Then, on the way home, I was thinking about the problem of this huge action sequence in Unit X. I realised that although I have a pretty damn good visual imagination, this was just a bit too much. I needed an imagination aid.

Ideally I would have been at home where we have all the little figures that we use for our role-playing games and floorplans and all sorts of stuff so I could build a set and have the characters move to see who goes where and does what to ensure it all ties together at the end.

So, in true Blue Peter style, I had to improvise. I was about to start cutting up flimsy paper into folded pieces I could write on to represent the characters. Then I realised I had hundreds of business cards that are out of date. They're made of nice thick card and I can make 6 people out of one card. (I could have made one character out of each business card which would have made them nice and big, but that would have been wasteful.)

If I had a camera I'd show you. But I haven't, so you'll have to make do with the words.

Excellent. Time to play.

Green tea? Oh, I've been drinking mugs of green tea this evening.

---

What's on the turntable? "The Diary of Horace Wimp" by ELO from some album or other.

Bleaugh

A good old-fashioned word that.

Feeling a bit "bleaugh" this evening, for various reasons: I'm not at home seeing my family this weekend (I'll be in Birmingham seeing friends - which is nice in itself, but...). My son is off on a school trip to Norway tomorrow and will be gone for a week. We still have our financial problems and will have for another month until I start getting paid for the work I'm doing now.

Daughter slipped on the ice and hit her head today on her way to college, so went back home and stayed there - but didn't call to say she'd hurt herself. Parents worry especially after it's too late to have done anything about it. She only missed English - which she is exceptionally good at anyway.

As a quick aside from bleaughness: the daughter is 17 (nearly 18). We have a big puppy and I usually take him for his last-thing-at-night walk. A couple of weeks ago we were all going to bed and the wife mentioned taking the dog for a walk and I muttered about having to take him, because the daughter certainly can't (late at night, dark). The little smarty-pants says "Why? Are you worried I might kill someone?" Which, of course, she is perfectly capable of doing in rather interesting ways. She's safer than I am. (Except I didn't slip over on the ice, even though Reading was slick with it this evening. Is that tempting fate too much?)

Anyway, I bought the wife and daughter a copy of "When Harry Met Sally" (£4 at Morrisons) before I left, so they can have a girlie evening when I'm away. I love that film. "Pecan Pie"

I should be writing but I can't see how to write the last bit of the action sequence in Unit X yet.

Sometimes I wish I could switch on the TV and watch something completely mindless. But I haven't got a TV and my Rubbish Internet is too slow to even listen to audio on iPlayer, never mind watch video.

Instead I pulled out a London street atlas that I bought on Monday to see how to get from Paddington to Oxford Street. It covers pretty much all of the Greater London area and I ended up looking at Romford and the little bit of Hornchurch that falls off the edge of the page.

Why? Because I spent my days from age 5 to 18 there. The house I lived in wasn't on the map, but I peered and squinted and spotted my secondary school half on the map. And my Junior/Infant school as plain as can be. The school all my sisters went to is there. The train station which used to have a fish and chip shop outside it, where I (on only one occasion) used my dinner money to buy fish and chips instead. I was never much of a rebel.

If you give a damn, I used to live here. (I have to use the non-interactive version because of Rubbish Internet.)

I went to art evening classes at the Polytechnic on Ardleigh Green Road, and got some good enough to sell. I played in Haynes Park, it had woods and a 9-hole golf course. I crossed the railway line on a footpath to go to piano lessons (I never got good at that). Had two friends on Staverton Road. And another friend across in Parkstone Avenue who's Dad was very well off and the house was huge. Between our road and Lewis Road there's a river that ran along a u-shaped concrete bed. During the summer we used to explore it, walking along it. In winter it often filled to the top of the concrete channel. Next door to us lived girls I fancied at different ages (Julie in one direction, Caroline in the other). Next to one of those was a family where both parents were child psychologists who had two children that were the worst behaved I ever met. After all the children had left home my parents moved to Grosvenor Road. And then away completely.

And at the railway station there was a zebra crossing where I slipped over on ice.

Gosh, memories.

So I'm feeling bleaugh - it's not that I want to go back to those years, oh dearie me no, it's just making me feel sad. I'm reinforcing the mood I was already in: Matching my "loss of family" (as it were) with "loss of places".

And I'm tired too, which doesn't help.

Pathetic really.

Plus the fact we haven't heard about Red Planet yet, and I was right, the BBC people didn't have their meeting yesterday so there's no decision on whether they want Winter (ha-ha-ha, how ironic they couldn't make a decision because of the winter weather, gosh, I'm so funny) - at least my contact was kind enough to let me know. But I'm screaming with impatience inside.

A wise man said (something like) "It's okay to feel down once in a while, just don't let it go on too long."

So I really better snap out of it.

Meanwhile, in other news, Oli discussed something very close to my heart, and I've been trying all evening to post a comment but my Rubbish Internet keeps messing it up. Grrrr.

Oh, is my time up? Well, thanks for listening. Same time tomorrow?

---

What's on the turntable? "Legend in my Living Room" by Annie Lennox from "Diva"