Ten ways to get laid

Okay, I'm lying. Just looking for some cheap searches to hit and boost my meagre visit rate (though it is improving with BBC Sharps).

I got a nice e-mail today from Auntie Beeb saying that yes, indeed, they had received my script, Smoke, contrary to earlier e-mails. But there was nothing to indicate when they might be letting short-listed people know they'd got through. Or whether they were going to let people know who had utterly and miserably FAILED.

:-) He-he-he. Just practicing the angst.

Now, over here, is Jason Arnopp's Ten Ways to Prepare for the Cheltenham Screenwriters Festival, which is where my title came from.

So I was checking myself against this list to see how prepared I am. But now my absolutely terrible Internet connection (worse than modems in the 80s) has packed up so I can't get his blog back.

Just in case it won't come back let's see what I can remember:

1. Don't get drunk. No risk of that. Seriously, I hardly ever have alcohol. It doesn't like me.

2. Have business cards. I have business cards.

3. Wear clothes. I have suitable apparel to appear as a relaxed authoring type.

4. Smell nice. I have deodorant and anti-perspirant in abundance.

(Aha. My connection is returning, let's keep going without looking.)

5. Have scripts on a memory stick. Clever idea. I like that one, I've been meaning to buy a nice meaty one.

6. Know your pitches. I'm pretty good but will practice more.

7. Know your delegates. Unfortunately I'm a newbie and newbies don't get access to a delegate list.

(Hm, running out.)

8. Know the speakers? Was that one? Well I might try, I'm terrible at remembering names and faces.

I'll have to refer to the now loaded page ... oh pretty good, those are all genuine Jason suggestions just missed two.

9. Take a notepad. I always do.

10. Manage your expectations. In other words, don't expect a dramatic change from the event, but it can definitely help. My inner-realist is getting in a good supply of moist kippers to use for beating my inner-optimist over the head. (Won't work, of course, the optimist is irrepressible. Bloody annoying optimists.)

So I'm reasonably well prepared, though if someone wants to see "Une Nuit a Paris" I shall be buggered because I haven't been through it yet since I finished writing it for Scriptfrenzy.

(Damn. My connection is gone again.)

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What's on the turntable? "Android Warehouse" by (early) Steely Dan from "The Roaring of the Lamb". Brilliant album, very raw compared to the slick band they became, as typified by "The Royal Scam"